Vampire Assassin

I'm a huge fan of awesomely bad Sci-Fi, but this movie pushed even my tolerances to their outermost extremes. A lot about it reminded me of my very first student project, except that this movie was a lot longer, and I was smart enough to keep my movie free from dialogue. I don't know if it was the because the supposed "plot" only just barely made sense, or that I saw better made movies produced by classmates in film school, but this movie wasn't awesomely bad, it was painfully bad.

This is the guy on the cover of the movie, and he's who you expect to be assassinating vampires, right? He's tough looking enough that the phrase His Blade Is Sharper on the DVD cover actually makes sense.

This is the guy who actually is the hero. Middle aged, a little overweight, and with a weird moustache. Apparently he's a real martial arts expert, but he looks more like a P.E. coach. He's also the writer and director.

My computer at work is obsolete, and on its last leg. It's died at least twice in the past month, and been brought back from the dead in Frankenzombie form each time. My computer at work is more than capable of making this movie, every special effect in it, and I'm pretty sure I could have done a better job with the audio. It looks like it was shot on a camcorder, without any set lighting, and with no microphones except the one on the camera. The quality and clarity of the video wasn't that good to begin with, but when it was edited they added some kind of a graininess that made it look even worse. While some of the actors in this movie have done other work, the cast is mostly made up of people who have never acted before or since.

While I'm all for people making movies with their friends in their basements, I'm not convinced that many if any of those movies should be made available for rental. This movie was obviously homemade, and by those who lacked either the resources or the skills to make it look professional.

high points: Wig of fury, awesomest fu-manchu in all of LA County, shootout, eh... try hiding behind cardboard boxes full of paper towels.
low points: Who really wants visual clarity, clean audio, or a storyline that makes sense anyway?