rise of the silver surfer

Remember how bad the first one was? This one is just as bad. Remember how if you went into the first one not expecting X-Men or Spiderman you were able to enjoy it anyway? That's how this one works. This movie knows not to take itself too seriously, and has settled comfortably into that place. Of course they did all the usual things every superhero movie needs... battle banter, overly emotional motivational speeches, let-me-get-this-straight quick summaries, internal strife, and of course, a dance number. However, if you can take this movie as not-serious as it takes itself, you'll probably have fun watching it.

There are a lot of themes in this movie that we can learn important lessons from.

• Teamwork!: The Fantastic 4 are all individuals with different strengths and weaknesses, but only as a team do they have the power to defeat evildoers. Unless just one of you can take on the powers of all the others, because then you're the man!
  
• Compassion: So a mysterious guy is trying to destroy your world... maybe he has a good reason for it. You just never know until you ask him nicely, and who knows, you may just make a friend along the way!
  
• Secret Identities: We all know that superpowers automatically mean you'll never have a normal life, but unless you have a secret identity to go with your powers, you'll never have a normal social life either. Sure you'll be flocked by beautiful women everywhere you go, but the Army can find you too, and their women, though beautiful as their dance club counterparts, are mean. Unless your body can safely produce fire enough to melt their icy hearts, don't bother hitting-on army girls.
  
• Stretchiness: Some superpowers are truly awesome, and some are just funny. Stretchiness as a superpower is good for nothing more than being funny. That's why Reed Richards has to be such a brainiac... to compensate for his funny superpower. Also, you should never dance if you're stretchy.
  
• Hair Bleaching: If you're Jessica Alba you look great no matter what¹, but you look much better with dark hair. C'mon Jess, lay off the peroxide for us, okie-dokie?
  
• Anatomy: Barbie and Ken are anatomically correct, they just come from another planet.
  
• Revillains: Supervillains are like broken ankles. Once you've broken them they may come back to bother you again, and may even make your life very miserable for a while, but in the end they're just that much easier to break again the second time.

high points: Stan Lee the wedding crasher, Thing and Human Torch picking on each other with swapped powers, the Jersey side of the Lincoln Tunnel, separating the saucer section, and an homage to Mystery Men.

low points: A NYC Marvel wedding with no Spiderman on the guest list... are you kidding me?, Stretchy Dancing, Victor Von Doom and his half-role that was little more than constantly trying not to smile (like in sunday school when somebody reads the word ass from the bible, and you have to not laugh), Sue Storm on fire and screaming like a high school girl with a spider in her hair, and Jessica Alba pretending to be blonde.

1) But you still pale in comparison to the wife. Sorry Jessica, but that's just the way it is.