Next

With A-list stars, B-grade acting, and C (for crappy) writing, Next was definitely worth waiting for the $2 theater to see. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed almost every minute of it¹. I don't think it was meant to be a romantic comedy, but there was romance, and the wife and I certainly did laugh a lot. If more romantic comedies, were like this, men would want to see them.

This was an awesomely bad movie, which could easily have been a really great movie, if only the dialogue hadn't been so lousy. It was like bad TV or film school dialogue. Still, the story itself was pretty good, and the movie was fun to watch. Nicholas Cage has the ability to see two minutes into his future, and Julianne Moore leading the FBI wants to use him to track down a nuclear bomb that some people smuggled into California. Jessica Biel is supposed to be the perfect woman in every way, smart, beautiful, kind, charitable, and somehow able to extend Nicholas Cage's foresight much further than just two minutes... the perfect damsel in distress.

The special effects, though not all that spectacular (or often used), really helped move the story along. It was fun to see Nicholas Cage running through various scenarios trying to get them right, but a little disturbing to see about two or three dozen of him walking around in one scene. The most unbelievable part of the whole thing was not clairvoyance, and not that somebody would detonate a nuke in Los Angeles, but that old Nicholas Cage and his weird hair could actually seduce the likes of Jessica Biel². Julianne Moore, as always, was the worst part of the movie, even out-sucking the dialogue. She was b[crabby]hy, b[annoying]hy, b[catty]hy, b[abrasive]hy, and b[all around unpleasant]hy. I'm sure they did this to show her as a strong personality; a real get-the-job-done-no-matter-what-,-woman-with-balls-of-steel-in-a-man's-world-,-and-I-don't-take-crap-from-nobody-because-I'm-the-boss-around-here type of leader, but it went way too far. Even when she turns out to be the good guy, you still hate her more than the nuke smugglers.

High points: Nicholas Cage dodging bullets, Peter Falk playing pool, the Grand Canyon, and an A Clockwork Orange style TV-watching face apparatus.
Low points: Julianne Moore, more Julianne Moore, almost any time people spoke, Nicholas Cage's weird hair, and Julianne Moore.

1) I enjoyed everything, except Julianne Moore. As always, she placed a taint on an otherwise enjoyable movie.
2) A full EIGHTEEN years younger than he is, and Jessica Biel on top of that.